Knowing when to Speak up and when to stay Silent

                      To Speak up or not to Speak Up

 One of the issues psychologists face is that of rationality and irrationality in humans. Have you ever lashed out irrationally, only to realize way out of time that you really shouldn't have said the words blurted out in the heat of the moment? OR Have you ever been faced with a dilemma of whether to boldly speak out your opinion? 

Read on to find out how to know when to speak up and when to keep your cool.

                When NOT to Poke In:

To quote Lincoln: "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool then to speak up and remove all doubt"

1) When a friend or loved one is venting about their problems, chances are they probably just want a shoulder to cry on, of someone who cares. And in that particular moment of grief, they may not need your advice. Keep it for later.

2) When an elder or senior is trying to convey some golden words, do not way in to show how intellectually superior you yourself are. Even if the advice is plain and your plate is full of them, learn to listen to what they have to say patiently. Your never know what might truly change your life.

3) When you are angry, lashing out at the nearest target might not be a good idea. Remove yourself immediately from the situation, however difficult it may be. Think it over, then speak at a time when you feel calmer.

4) When you don't know about something and unsure of how to put your opinion on a topic, its probably better to stay quiet until you have formed a solid view point. 

5) Last but not the least, stay quiet when you know the other person just wants to put you down and is not necessarily interested in a fair argument. Don't get yourself intertwined in a fool's argument or they will only drag you down to their level.
     
                    When To Speak Up:

1) When staying quiet will come with a high cost.
Only a person themselves can answer this. It is highly subjective. Considering the situation you are faced with, only you can tell whether not speaking up will put a mark on your values and what you stand for. Or will speaking up lead to an unnecessary dispute. Consider what is at stake and decide whether it is important enough to pick up a possible fiery argument.

2) When it will encourage others to speak up. As we have seen with the trending #MeToo movement that telling the truth by even one person can elicit nationwide support, which leads to a large number of people coming out with their own truth. If you speaking up lends a hand to other people to speak up, then you must break the silence.

3) For the greater good. When you are working in a team or on a project that is greater than just you, not speaking up while your team continues to tread on the wrong path can be seen as plain selfish. Speak up when it is important for the good of the team or for other people. Specially when you can see you know something valuable others may not know.

4) When not speaking up can lead to others taking you non-seriously. For example your boss or a supervisor may see you as less talented or not devoted enough because you don't contribute to discussions and meetings etc. Never let anyone put a tag on you. While working, you should be passionate enough to make this bigger than you and speak out your suggestions in team discussions. Never let anyone disrespect you or take you for granted.

Make your worth known.  
    

How to deal with embarrassment

                  Dealing with Embarrassment

 Hello everybody! This is my first blog post. Lets begin with a brief introduction. I am a student. I am studying finance, accounting and HR. As a student I often have to deal with the typical student problems (not essentially exclusive to students). Whether it be dealing with mean (and not the average one) classmates/people or bearing the burden of a full schedule. 

One particular problem stands out amongst all. The one in which you embarrass yourself in front of a class full of peers and similar species. 

Been there. The sinking, burning feeling slowly gnawing away at your insides. Your throat dries up. The cheeks tingle and blush. And you find yourself caught up between wanting to run and yet paralyzed. 

                Empathizing with all you pals, here are some tips for how I have dealt with all the embarrassment and how you can too (again, not exclusive to my student fellows).

1. Confronting the 'bug' head on:

You can hide 'em from the world but not from yourself. Your feelings. The surge of emotions that takes place when 'we feel' that we have failed to perform under some spotlight. That we couldn't rise to the level where we would've gained mass approval. The best way to kill that 'bug' is to confront it rather than hiding it or hiding due to it. 
 Sit alone for sometime without any companion (including an electronic one). Ponder over how you feel. Then go out into the world, with embarrassment still shrouding you, and force yourself to go about your normal routine.Will this make embarrassment go away magically? No. But it will certainly make it easier to bear the burden. Communicate with yourself because you are the best buddy you will ever find. 

2. HUMOR:

Nothing charms like good humor does. And what better opportunity to bond over a laugh than when you are already at your most vulnerable. Turn the embarrassment and mockery that comes your way into bouts of laughter. Laughing at yourself decreases stress. A good laugh can have you connected to people instantly and can turn you from an unacceptable 'weirdo' to a complete charmer.
So, the next time try laughing a bit more.

3. Read/Watch Funny/Embarrassing videos.

Doing this shifts the focus of your mind to a more relaxed approach. Funny, embarrassing videos, specially of someone you are die hard fan of, will just go on to show how "human" we all are. And at that, very susceptible to making mistakes- from small to grave ones. But this does not render us unworthy of love an appreciation. And what better thing to back that up than watching amazing people, who are known for their poise and grace, slip a bit.  
Funny lightens up life. Anything with humor makes everything better. Keep those Charlie Chaplin words in mind: 
"A day without laughter is a day wasted."

4. Focus on your strengths. 

 Don't halt just because you didn't know a thing or two or embarrassed yourself in a particular scenario. Focus on that which sets you apart. Your STRENGTHS. That 'thing'(s) in which you can get lost (the old-fashioned way). When you are clear and confident  about your values and strengths, you will no longer be as sensitive to other people's opinion of you.You know your base and you can hold on your own. You will still feel embarrassed and all but that won't paralyze you. You'd be strong and calm in the face of criticism. So, give yourself some time and carve out your most prominent points.

5. Accept.

And the most important step is to accept. Accept what is yours. Including your mess. Don't play the blame game. Own it. Its all the moments in your life- happy, sad, good and bad, that built you. They are a part and parcel of your personality. Learn, however hard it may be. to love your vulnerabilities and 'oops' moments. You are as human as it can get. Accept it and love it.

Hope this helps. And I hope you like it. Please read and share. And send all the support you can my way. Much Love!