5 life lessons to learn from the Iconic "How to Win Friends And Influence People".

The best-selling book of Dale Carnegie, how to win friends and influence people, was originally published in 1936 and left an immaculate mark on the world of business, marketing, psychology and generally all around the world. It is one of the most influential books, the wisdom from which is quoted widely in leadership programs.

It doesn't matter if you are an influence in your field, just starting out in your career, looking to build a business, wants to make lifelong friends or just someone wanting to learn something really useful, this book should be on your must-read lists.
So, to make it easier for you to go through this wonderful work, here's the gist of the pearls I have lain down for you.

1. Don't play the blame game:

 

The Big E. Ego. Everyone has it. But not everyone knows how to manage it. People's esteem and pride needs are huge. And when you go all out pointing the arrow at the other person, they are definitely going to get the guns out too. Defense is natural to people. So, here's the tip. Never blame or criticize people.
The alternative: be empathetic and try to understand the situation of the other person, no matter how painful or critical the entire scenario is. We need somebody to put the blame on for everything that happens in our lives. This is how strong ego and the need to be accepted is for people. Not even the most crude criminals accept the blame for their crime. So, don't expect someone to magically realize their mistakes. That's a pro business tip.

2. Sincere appreciation goes a long way.

 

Instead of criticizing the wrong, try appreciating the right. A more appropriate and kind way to distinguish right from the wrong. Don't make people defensive. We want to believe we are right and when someone says otherwise, we'll simply shoot back.
If we are to change, we have to do it ourselves. We have to realize and distinguish. Nobody can do that for ya!

3. Accept your mistakes.

 

Initiate in accepting the mess you create. It not only strengthens relationships but also makes other people comfortable in your presence. You accept mistakes and you don't judge. By doing this, we normalize a very human thing: committing mistakes. The important thing is to accept them. Move over them and try our best to learn and not repeat them.
When you accept mistakes, you automatically disarm the other person who might want to make you see your dirt and start fir on you. You cooled everything down before there was any smoke at all.

4. Be genuinely interested in others. 

 

People are not interested in what you had for dinner or what you are wearing to the next party this weekend. Even the gossip doesn't last. What lasts is people's interest in themselves. Everyone wants to talk about themselves. Everyone has a story to share. You need to listen more often. Don't just listen passively, waiting for them to finish so you could pounce with your own story. Listen to understand rather than react or prove them wrong. This is definitely going to add an attractive card in your basket.

5. Smile.

 

Smile is the most under-rated form of non-verbal communication. The mysterious and serious James Bond look is considered quite hot these days. But you know what's actually hot? A gentle, sweet, and genuine smile. Don't force a smile. 'Fake-ness' never goes unobserved. Observe people and think about what you like about them. Do an early morning gratitude journal. Be grateful. Look at the lovely things early morning has to offer. Anything to get you started on a highly positive note. This will make you smile from the inside.

10 ways to cope with depression.

Have you ever woken up in the morning and lied in bed way past your set time because you didn't know why or how to get up? With that empty pit invading your insides? 
Do you often find your mind wandering off to lands of negative emotions such as feeling worthless, confused, anxious for everything? But still you couldn't put a finger on why were you so worried when apparently there was no elephant in the room. And you just sit there and cry. just feeling sad and scared but you don't know why. 
And you search around for help but you know that the logical minds wouldn't understand this 'illogical' crying. 

Then, there is nothing wrong with you. You are very much sane. What you are going through in reality, is a very common mental health issue: Depression.
Depression leads to low moods and aversion to life in general. It brings forth strong feelings of sadness, loneliness, fear, and anxiousness etc. 

The first step towards solving a problem is to identify it. Now that you have done that, let's move on to the next big step. COPING WITH DEPRESSION. Here I am listing some ways I have used to constantly uplift me from shadows of depression.

1. Rest and Sleep:

It is very common to over-worry about everything when depressed. And not be able to appreciate ourselves. So, make it a compulsory point to take some time out to just rest. Make you bed with clean sheets and fluffy pillows. Buy some cute, soft cushions for your bed or to snuggle with if you can. Pamper yourself. Take a hot bath, go to a spa or have a home spa day. Play your favorite games and watch good TV. And just Rest.
via GIPHY

2. Support Network:

Having a support network around me made dealing with depression much easier. Whether you think you are a loner or a social bomb, you need a support system. People who understand what you are going through. A community where you can share your feelings openly without the fear of judgement. It could be family, friends, relatives or just a colleague who you feel comfortable enough to trust with something so intimate as depression. Or else it could be an online forum where people with similar problems or interests come together to talk.
Which brings us to another important point for building up strong networks.

3. Volunteer:

GIVING. We all need to feel a sense of purpose and fulfillment that our lives mattered. No you don't need to be a millionaire philanthropist to feel like you are helping and giving back. Just spare an hour or two, one or two times a week. Maybe during weekend. You can do more if you can. And find something you really feel about from your heart. Maybe you had gone through a bad friendship and want to be there as a friend for others. You could join an elderly care or child care organization as a volunteer and be the friend they never had.

4. Educate Yourself:

You must be aware. Aware of what you're going through. Educate yourself about depression. The what, why and how of it. Read up on it. Sift through motivating videos. Here's one:

 5. Find outlets for Creative Expression:

Regardless of whether you're a creative person or not, doing something novel is very therapeutic. Take out that canvas and brush and get painting. Or maybe you love food and would like to experiment with recipes. Also, you could make cards, hand-made baskets, and other crafts to decorate your desk or your entire home. You could also give it away as a gift to a children's organization/school.

 6. Exercise:

Exercise is a great way to get the endorphins flowing. Endorphins are chemical substances that reduces your perception of pain. It also increases positive feelings in your body. Moreover, exercise is a great habit to keep you busy. Bonus: you'll be toned before you know it.

  7. Eating:

Since we are exercising, why not combine that with taking out time every week or every day to do healthy meal prep. There are very tasty healthy recipes all over the internet that are very easy to follow as well. You could do a quick Pinterest search or watch a YouTube video. Also, meal prep and cooking is very therapeutic.

8. Gratitude Journal:

Writing a journal helps clear up your mind. It gives a sequence and meaning to your thoughts. Especially if you write a gratitude journal. Gratitude for all the great things in your life and for people you appreciate increases abundance in your life. Find a quiet time and place to sit down with a glass of juice or a piece of fruit and just give thanks for all the blessings that we take for granted. It will shift your perspective from negative to positive.

9. Music:

Listening to uplifting music changes brain chemistry for good. Good music soothes your mind and body. Just browse great music and start listening. You might come across a track that will forever find a place on your playlist.

10. Nature:

Nature is calming and re-freshening. Try getting up in the early hours of morning and taking a walk in a park or a garden. If you have a small garden or plants in your home, have breakfast sitting in nature. And just watch- the sunrise up properly, the birds coming out to chirp. Praying in the quiet of early morning gives you an energy boost for the entire day.

 

Let's talk about Depression..

As a part of life people face various struggles at certain points in their life. Such as loss of a beloved relationship, friendship, death of a close relative or confidant, failing at your dream job/business etc.

It is normal to feel sad, depressed, anxious or scared when you are stuck in a rut. But for a normal, healthy person life doesn't end here. Sun does shine again. The phases of depression and sadness lift. Joy is felt once again into their lives.

Photo by ActionVance on Unsplash

But it's world apart for a person suffering from depression as a disease. It could be:

• clinical depression- which is treatable
• major depression- which may be one of the depression disorders and more complex to treat.

Depression acts as a resistance in the normal functioning of a human body. It takes a toll on mood, thinking, feelings, eating and just day-to-day activities.

So, how do you figure that it's depression?

Symptoms of depression:

Some of the prominent symptoms of depression include:

• feeling constantly blue and hopeless
• persistent cover of fatigue and tiredness
• unable to sleep or overdose of sleep
• sudden bursts of crying usually without an apparent reason
• anger, irritability, and hatred or strong negative emotions
• weight and appetite gain or loss
• lack of interest in activities which once made you overjoyed
• a deep feeling of emptiness
• strong feelings of guilt, helplessness, fear and of just being a loser at life.

Photo by Bryce Koebel on Unsplash

For starters, it is not something that just 'goes away' or something to just 'deal with until'.
It is a recognized mental health disorder which is medically and otherwise treatable as well.

It certainly is not something to be ashamed of. In the world in general and in certain societies like Asian countries in particular, consulting a mental health doctor is seen as downright humiliating and the patient,who needs nothing more than unconditional support, is met with mockery, ridicule and embarrassment.

How to deal with embarrassment

As someone who has been suffering from depression for quite sometime, I know the pressure of not sharing your struggles. Share what you're feeling with someone who cares. Speaking up has helped me immensely. The first move towards healing is to face the fear, feel it and still muster up all your strength to share and speak up.

All the power to you in fighting and being a warrior against depression.

11 things you should do to become smarter everyday

'Smart' is not about how much knowledge from the big books you can cram up or whether you could crack the tough subjects in school. Being smart is about how you react to life. It's important to learn how to carry yourself through different situations in life. And essentially how you apply all that you have learned, from books or otherwise, to cope with all that you face.

So, to help with the process, here are 11 things you can do to become smarter everyday.

1) Read. 

The importance of reading can't be stressed enough. Book smart, college smart or being an 'A' student is definitely not your sure shot to a fulfilled and successful life. But reading does get you on that path. Reading is not all about the text books you have to read in schools and colleges. Reading is a vast area. You can with whatever genre you like and gradually move on to texts regarded as 'classics' by most. Start with fiction. Slowly transition to non fiction with treats of fiction in between. Then challenge yourself with tougher works.Don't just read books. Read newspapers, journals, magazines etc.
Reading good books takes you through the mind of a master whose life experience lays at your disposal on the mere count of pages.

2) Take courses.

Thanks to easy access to the internet, we have all kinds of information just click of a button away. A wide variety of information. And that sometimes is a problem. Online courses make it feasible to approach information. You can take customized courses for a specific topic with different levels of specialization, that too from experienced professionals. And can be taken at home. Online courses cost little money. Sites like Udemy, Coursera and some others offer variety of courses.

3) Exercise.

    Benefits of exercise are undeniably many. It has been proven over and again to boost brain activity. Happy hormones i.e endorphins are released causing you to feel elated and joyous. Exercise also helps with fatal health problems like congestive heart disease, blood pressure, diabetes, obesity, high cholesterol, also PCOS and other hormonal disorders. So, doing even a light round of squats or walking for sometime but consistently can go a long way. Gradually you can move towards more challenging ones like strength training.

4) Let Go of the Ego.

Wherever you are, if you really want to become smarter than before, you have to let go of the mini-you that constantly pitches you as superior to others. Like reading books, spending time under the shade of smart people gives you a peek into the master mind. The company you keep does matter a lot in how you turn out. Keep it healthy. And as for where you can find smart company, smart people are all around you, you just have to look with an open eye and mind.

5) Watch TED talks.

Ted talks feature some of the greatest experiences of awesome people in a few minutes of video. Some great talks offer wisdom unlike any other resource. They bring forward people who've cracked highly tough circumstances in life with great grace and offer you lifetime worth of insights and knowledge in a single video. Make it a point to watch at-least one Ted talk per day. They range from as small a 4-5 minutes and as long as up-to 20-25 minutes. Before you know it, you'll be smarter than ever before with a head full of ideas and wisdom.

6) Practice a skill.

Learn a new skill or sharpen an already existing one. You may or may not know about the 10000 hours concept. It suggests that practicing or learning something for 10000 hours makes you an expert at it. 10000 hours or not, what we can get from this is that practice does make perfect. So, if you are looking to become smarter, fire up those neurons with practice of a skill. Like learn a new language or learn coding. Try cooking a novelty dish. Put the brain out of its comfort zone to sharpen even more.

7) Meditation.

Sit upright in a relaxed position. Close your eyes and see how your mind wanders. It shows how little control we have over our thoughts. How they lack voluntary route. Make it a point to force your thoughts to focus on one thought or point. Meditation has been shown to have great benefits. There are videos all over the internet teaching you how to meditate. Meditation has been recommended by many great people and personal growth coaches. Try it.

8) Solve mathematical problems.

You can be as much of a math-hater as you like. No problem. Just putting it out there. Solving math problems does help to sharpen your brain. Try solving the general math sums like adding a large number mentally. If you can bear math, then take up some complex problems from various topics and solve them.

9) De-clutter and Think.

 
  Go for a walk in nature. A park or any soothing, comforting place. And just walk, better do it alone. Don't try to consume yourself with distractions such as your phone or a pet. If you are someone who finds regularity in writing, carry something to write. And Think. Just think while you are sitting or walking surrounded by all the calmness. Think about what you learned that day. By reading, any special encounter, watching videos etc. Think it through and take notes if you want to. Writing down helps you De-clutter your thoughts and form a pattern  among different ideas.

10) Make Notes. 

Writing down really helps to absorb information while at the same time freeing the mind of all the clutter. Make it a habit to write down points and make short notes about what you learned. You can write down in empty spaces on the book or make separate notes. So, you can always come back and revisit what you've learned.

11) Embrace new situations.

There are many studies proving that getting out of your comfort zone and trying new things helps to strengthen the brain and even delays its aging process such as the onset of dementia. Other than that new ideas mostly come out when you put yourself through what you've never been through. You learn something new. And this 'newness' fuels the brain and keeps it running.

Knowing when to Speak up and when to stay Silent

                      To Speak up or not to Speak Up

 One of the issues psychologists face is that of rationality and irrationality in humans. Have you ever lashed out irrationally, only to realize way out of time that you really shouldn't have said the words blurted out in the heat of the moment? OR Have you ever been faced with a dilemma of whether to boldly speak out your opinion? 

Read on to find out how to know when to speak up and when to keep your cool.

                When NOT to Poke In:

To quote Lincoln: "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool then to speak up and remove all doubt"

1) When a friend or loved one is venting about their problems, chances are they probably just want a shoulder to cry on, of someone who cares. And in that particular moment of grief, they may not need your advice. Keep it for later.

2) When an elder or senior is trying to convey some golden words, do not way in to show how intellectually superior you yourself are. Even if the advice is plain and your plate is full of them, learn to listen to what they have to say patiently. Your never know what might truly change your life.

3) When you are angry, lashing out at the nearest target might not be a good idea. Remove yourself immediately from the situation, however difficult it may be. Think it over, then speak at a time when you feel calmer.

4) When you don't know about something and unsure of how to put your opinion on a topic, its probably better to stay quiet until you have formed a solid view point. 

5) Last but not the least, stay quiet when you know the other person just wants to put you down and is not necessarily interested in a fair argument. Don't get yourself intertwined in a fool's argument or they will only drag you down to their level.
     
                    When To Speak Up:

1) When staying quiet will come with a high cost.
Only a person themselves can answer this. It is highly subjective. Considering the situation you are faced with, only you can tell whether not speaking up will put a mark on your values and what you stand for. Or will speaking up lead to an unnecessary dispute. Consider what is at stake and decide whether it is important enough to pick up a possible fiery argument.

2) When it will encourage others to speak up. As we have seen with the trending #MeToo movement that telling the truth by even one person can elicit nationwide support, which leads to a large number of people coming out with their own truth. If you speaking up lends a hand to other people to speak up, then you must break the silence.

3) For the greater good. When you are working in a team or on a project that is greater than just you, not speaking up while your team continues to tread on the wrong path can be seen as plain selfish. Speak up when it is important for the good of the team or for other people. Specially when you can see you know something valuable others may not know.

4) When not speaking up can lead to others taking you non-seriously. For example your boss or a supervisor may see you as less talented or not devoted enough because you don't contribute to discussions and meetings etc. Never let anyone put a tag on you. While working, you should be passionate enough to make this bigger than you and speak out your suggestions in team discussions. Never let anyone disrespect you or take you for granted.

Make your worth known.  
    

How to deal with embarrassment

                  Dealing with Embarrassment

 Hello everybody! This is my first blog post. Lets begin with a brief introduction. I am a student. I am studying finance, accounting and HR. As a student I often have to deal with the typical student problems (not essentially exclusive to students). Whether it be dealing with mean (and not the average one) classmates/people or bearing the burden of a full schedule. 

One particular problem stands out amongst all. The one in which you embarrass yourself in front of a class full of peers and similar species. 

Been there. The sinking, burning feeling slowly gnawing away at your insides. Your throat dries up. The cheeks tingle and blush. And you find yourself caught up between wanting to run and yet paralyzed. 

                Empathizing with all you pals, here are some tips for how I have dealt with all the embarrassment and how you can too (again, not exclusive to my student fellows).

1. Confronting the 'bug' head on:

You can hide 'em from the world but not from yourself. Your feelings. The surge of emotions that takes place when 'we feel' that we have failed to perform under some spotlight. That we couldn't rise to the level where we would've gained mass approval. The best way to kill that 'bug' is to confront it rather than hiding it or hiding due to it. 
 Sit alone for sometime without any companion (including an electronic one). Ponder over how you feel. Then go out into the world, with embarrassment still shrouding you, and force yourself to go about your normal routine.Will this make embarrassment go away magically? No. But it will certainly make it easier to bear the burden. Communicate with yourself because you are the best buddy you will ever find. 

2. HUMOR:

Nothing charms like good humor does. And what better opportunity to bond over a laugh than when you are already at your most vulnerable. Turn the embarrassment and mockery that comes your way into bouts of laughter. Laughing at yourself decreases stress. A good laugh can have you connected to people instantly and can turn you from an unacceptable 'weirdo' to a complete charmer.
So, the next time try laughing a bit more.

3. Read/Watch Funny/Embarrassing videos.

Doing this shifts the focus of your mind to a more relaxed approach. Funny, embarrassing videos, specially of someone you are die hard fan of, will just go on to show how "human" we all are. And at that, very susceptible to making mistakes- from small to grave ones. But this does not render us unworthy of love an appreciation. And what better thing to back that up than watching amazing people, who are known for their poise and grace, slip a bit.  
Funny lightens up life. Anything with humor makes everything better. Keep those Charlie Chaplin words in mind: 
"A day without laughter is a day wasted."

4. Focus on your strengths. 

 Don't halt just because you didn't know a thing or two or embarrassed yourself in a particular scenario. Focus on that which sets you apart. Your STRENGTHS. That 'thing'(s) in which you can get lost (the old-fashioned way). When you are clear and confident  about your values and strengths, you will no longer be as sensitive to other people's opinion of you.You know your base and you can hold on your own. You will still feel embarrassed and all but that won't paralyze you. You'd be strong and calm in the face of criticism. So, give yourself some time and carve out your most prominent points.

5. Accept.

And the most important step is to accept. Accept what is yours. Including your mess. Don't play the blame game. Own it. Its all the moments in your life- happy, sad, good and bad, that built you. They are a part and parcel of your personality. Learn, however hard it may be. to love your vulnerabilities and 'oops' moments. You are as human as it can get. Accept it and love it.

Hope this helps. And I hope you like it. Please read and share. And send all the support you can my way. Much Love!